As the night falls, it asks me who I am.
Veiling myself with silence, I answer that I do not know the answer to that question anymore – supposing I ever did. I crawled out from my mother’s shrieks and cries, a crimson cave, I was regurgitated. Perhaps I was the vision of a “her” that could never be. The endless sea of faces of the past appear in front of me, a never ending whispering of unintelligible phrases. A ringing in my ears, the taste of something on my tongue, the careful memory of a warm palm on my skin. Thinking back to my childhood, I see myself running around corridors, grabbing onto wooden railings as my white dress flowed behind me like a gust of wind. Tears gather, a pool in my eyes that threatens to leave – I think it’s raining but I’m crying again. My still body licked by the stars from my memories. Shaking fists, trembling teeth, the heart grows strong, it surrounds itself with cement walls to keep it from feeding on fantasies.
But despite my pain, the suffering of this vast solitude that embraces me into a tight hug, another day.